funny stories from wedding week

after planning the wedding and doing nothing but planning the wedding for three months, it was a huge success. it was, however, not without its interesting and unforgettable moments, which we will try to capture as best we can in this our virtual family diary.

wedding rehearsal, thursday night

the rehearsal was eventful, thanks to the last-minute surprise of a stage setup in the church. the mothers' faces looked understandably pinched when we arrived at 605pm. they had obviously gotten there before us and were not enthusiastically receiving the 1.5' platform made of unfinished wood and bad indoor/outdoor carpeting placed strategically just in front of the steps to the alter.

jeff simon (my 'man of honor'), tricia (my sister-in-law, standing up as brides-maid), paul d. (my brother, participating as usher), michael's best friends don mceachron and tim fritz (standing up as groomsmen), my parents, and michael's parents were all in evidence by the time we arrived late as usual with elaine and grace in tow.

michael's brother and best man jeff had not been able to make the wedding rehearsal as his new wife cj had taken sickly with her pregnancy sometime during the day. also my best friend and maid of honor sheila had not yet flown in from california for the wedding so we were missing her as well.

everyone who was there was sitting quietly in the sanctuary, looking intently at the mother's faces as they stared unbelievingly at the makeshift, hideously ugly stage.

the first thing we did upon entering was to assess the potential damage of the stage. I knew just by looking at his face that michael agreed - the stage had to go. the moms drew a breath of relief when michael looked at them and stated "it's gone". little did I realize at the time that this effort would entail a 9pm visit the church the night before the wedding (michael, michael's dad jerry, uncle wayne and cousin richard) and rolled up sleeves for the groomsmen after the ceremony on saturday.

the rehearsal dinner menu included pizza and beer at a local pub nearby. unfortunately, no one had told michael and I that the location had been changed and neither of us knew where to go after the ceremony rehearsal was over. luckily, tim fritz had gotten directions from michael's dad and we arrived, once again, fashionably late.

night before the wedding, friday night

my best friend sheila was due into chicago at 630pm. as it was st. patrick's day and sheila's favorite day of the year to party, I thought it would be great to pick her up from the airport myself and escort her to the house. we had planned for sheila and I to have the house to ourselves friday night but had not planned much beyond.

every st. patrick's day I make it a point to try to have corned beef and cabbage. this is the only time of year that I eat it and I really look forward to it. I thought that I would avoid the traffic and instead ride the elevated train to midway to meet sheila, with the hope that we might stop on the way home in chicago for the traditional holiday meal. I did not think that sheila would protest. that and a beer would be sure to top us off for the night.

I waited for sheila's plane to arrive at the terminal. it had been an hour-long ride on the el. not altogether unpleasant, just long and boring. just as sheila's plane pulled up !!whoopsie!! I was hit with an anxiety attack of sorts and had to run for the bathroom.

wouldn't you know my luck, sheila thought I was not there and started wandering around the airport? of course I was wandering around the airport looking for her, too! after 10 minutes of searching, I was convinced that she had missed her flight and apparently she was convinced that I had forgotten to pick her up.

finally we connected and off to the el we went.

I broached the subject of dinner and sheila said she had not eaten. I suggested a stop in the city for the corned beef and cabbage and she was psyched! we pulled off at the transfer location, clark and lake, and headed into monday's.

"excuse us, can we get a menu?", we asked.

"sorry, the kitchen is closed", the waitress answered.

"oh. ok. how about a couple of shots of tequila and a couple of beers, then?", sheila responded without hesitation.

"cuervo", she added, as the waitress headed off to the bar.

we started drinking our beers and shot our tequila. just then the waitress says "oh yeah, there's a buffet over there" and motions over towards an unseen corner of the bar.

we wandered over and there was a huge spread of piping hot corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, and more.

we got home to my house around 1000pm and michael was all set to leave for his mom and dad's house. we greeted and said goodbye and off he went. sheila and I stayed up for hours painting my toenails purple with green polka dots and drinking wine. finally we passed out in the big bed upstairs at 200am.

wedding morning, saturday morning

sheila and I both awoke to the sound of pounding heads. I greeted myself in the mirror and commented "lovely blood-red eyes you have, my dear". uuuggghhhh. this was going to be a long morning. and I was nervous as heck to boot.

it was 530am and we had slept for 3.5 hours. I was jumpy and ready for coffee. I poured it on and got into the shower. both of us got showered, put on our makeup and started to feel human.

we put on all of our wedding underclothes, then flannel shirts and running pants on top. we pulled on some sneakers then jumped into the truck and headed to the hairdresser for our 745am appointments.

my lady was all set and ready for me. she was a charmer and knew exactly what I wanted when I explained "up in front, veil clippy guy on top". I was clear as mud but she got it exact.

sheila was not so lucky. at first her gal started working this strange corn-row thing and then, we believe, in reaction to sheila's mortified expression, started the hair completely anew at 825am.

my hair was done on schedule at 845am, at which point I exclaimed "oh my god, look at all of this veil!! it's poofy!" everyone insisted it would look much more natural with the wedding ensemble vs. the flannel and sweats in which I was currently adorned.

satisfied, I turned my attention to hurrying sheila's lady along as we were to meet the limo, my parents, elaine & grace, tricia & jeff at my house at 915am. finally, after asking "what time is it? how's our time?" about 300 times we were on our way home.

dad's reading

my dad had planned to do a reading for the wedding ceremony and tricia had given him something special that she herself had written for the occasion.

when we met dad and mom outside the house on saturday morning at 930am on the way to limo and then onto the church, dad suddenly remembered that he had left the text of the reading on the kitchen counter at home 35 minutes away. considering that the ceremony was only 30 minutes away, it was very bad timing indeed.

thankfully, tricia had thought to give my brother, paul, a copy of the reading that morning. dad narrowly avoided being severely maimed by my mother when paul successfully located the reading in his pocket once dad found him at the church.

gracey's flower basket

auntie sheila told elaine and grace that it was very important to use up all of the rose petals in the basket during the wedding ceremony. while walking down the aisle in front of me, they tossed the delicate petals very nicely out of their baskets.

once they joined the reverend at the front of the church, gracey kept looking to one side of the church, then the other side. when she thought no one was looking, she would throw a bunch of petals out of the basket.

at the end of the ceremony, after walking all the way back up the aisle, she looked around one last time then dumped the entire contents of the basket in the aisle. she looked very satisfied that she had used ALL of the flower petals.

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